When I call mother whore bitch witch and whatever I call her people often say

'don't say that! You don't even mean it now do you.' Or something like that but thing is after I explained what the prob is it seem to make people change their minds and instead ask How she could just be like that?

Only thing I could answer is that I don't know the answer on that.. Because I really don't. I don't even get why she got kids in the first place when she barley can handle it!

That's nice thoughts about your mother huh? Well in my case it is.

If they would be unnice or something like it they would be more like * such a bitch! I would just wish her dead! Like a bloody zombie or her all tared apart wolves attacking her biting her legs and arms of..*

Such thoughts and worse and the best thing is that I always see pictures of that.. Once I saw mum lying on the floor and a man hit her in the side of hers. Well I was only in fifth grade about then and it felt awful now I would give an silent and hysterical laugh!

Well I don't know about you guys but I really think this is crap! I mean a mother should give you love and just being thinking for the best of you! Well shouldn't she? But our doesn't, she keep on saying that she does! But it always end with a fight or something.. Like that one time when she screamed in my face that I would NEVER take her dear booyfriend away! First thing I was thinking about was

*oh yeah you bitch! That's what you really think eh?? Whatever! Like you actually would CARE about ous anyway!*

I've got as I would say half raped but mother says raped of my father so just because of that I moved back to mother again and at the first summer She told me it was MY fault! Everything was! That I ruined her summer that I ruined her life! And that it was all my fault that the family felt bad and had this bad gaze around the place. She always did that in like one two years.. So now it had cooled down because I have 'cooled down' a bit, because after all everything was my fault. It is my fault too that I got teased and bullied in school because I wasn't like everybody else it's my fault dad raped me because I didn't stay at mothers place and also it's my own fault that everythings bad 

B  E  C  A  U  S  E of me! So.. That's my fault? I don't think so.. I got almost Nothing I asked for in the store as child and I didn't beg for much!

LIke once.. That was the most thing I wanted! It was a dragon a red one as a stuffed animal and I wanted it So bad! I kept asking mum if I just couldn't have it?? SHe said sure.. But you buy it by yourself.I was like nine!and our case wasn't bad not that bad! Sure it cost her 200 coins.. In sweden.. But still, what did I get? 20 coins a week? Even that? You see sometimes she didn't gave ous our money and when I had 800! The dragon was gone since long by now and when I had 800 coins she took 700 of them!! WIthout even asking or telling me! So I bought me some stuff and then I asked her if she knew where my money was. She said 'Oh yeah about that.. I needed them hunnie.' My whole world collapsed and it screamed through me like *YOU needed them?? YOU did???? What about me?? What about the dragon??? What about THAT dragon huh???* My world totally collapsed. I didn't know what to do or say so in the end I just told her 'Okay..' I said nothing more I just walked to my room and begun to draw she took my money and my rage got huge but I stayed silent as always.

She sold my rabbit once and I was against it she sold one dog I loved as hell and other animals too. She always fought with me and she still does. When she had fights with her boyfriend I could as young try to get up through the stairs and take courage to try to tell them to please keep it down a little.. That I or sizz couldn't sleep.. sometimes they Could be nice and say 'Sure just go to sleep..'

But mostley they said 'What the fuck are you up you little shit!?? Go to bed NOW straight away!'

Sure I got to bed.. Crying.. But mostly I phoned father and told him how the case was and then he wanted to talk to Tina my sizz and then I sat beside her and played with her hair soft and calmly because I knew she loved that and I knew that she got calm of that. But everything seems to change.. In some cases.. This with my mother and stuff.. Will never. She will always be this crap of shit of a whore as she always been.. which is too bad..

Hi hello everybody!

I'm swedish yeah, but sometimes I just like to write at english it feels mora natruall don't ask me why it just does..

So here's my story..

My life is pretty fuckedup. My mother are selfish also my sister is and my father too and he's in jail.

My mother said not too long ago that I was strange and just so fuckedup! I began to feel down when she said that.

Isn't it the meaning that your mother are going to cheer you up? Make you be happy with yourself? Well at least that's what I always been hearing.

She's a selfish whore. You might not believe me well then don't. But I think she is.

When I first moved here she Promised me that I could be childish again that I could do how and whatever I wanted.. Almost. But sure as I thought it was just a joke something she wanted. Nothing she really was going to keep.

I've learn how to cook how to clean and pretty much stuff.I've also learn to observe things pretty good.

Well no I cannot say that I'm better than everyone else no. I can't but seriously it have to be something with me.. i mean.. Like.. My mother said that once that she couldn't get my thoughts or anything of me!

Well okay bitch so what? I am the fucking one that I am!

I can't care less than I do about her yeah I care about people a lot! But I doesn't hate anyone more than my family and that's not how it should be now is it?

I mena everyone keeps on talking about oh yeah it's in sweden and in sweden everythings just fiine!

Sure really.. No. Same thing with people who says that Life is the most important thing you ever could have. It's not because what would your life be if you had no friend at all? If the word friendly didn't exist? Well I tell ya nothing! Because then we couldn't make a deal with each other we couldn't do anything, we would just be lonly and go mad because of it! So if you have friends you have a life worth living for no matter what all you need is your friends because they are the real reason which makes you go on. i have nothing to really say.

Because I'm just a bullied girl which live in lonlyness and before I go totally mad I want people to know about it. About my thoughts and my will. Becuase I think that my thoughts and style is different to others, I think my way is different. No matter what other people think. This is me and this is what I think.

And no I won't name my own name because I don't feel to. Maybe sometime but not yet.

So this thing about mumie. It's like crazy, she told me how proud she were because SHE made me This strong!?

I'm just sitting beside her quiet and thinking like 'oh yeah you think That's the way it is bitch? What the fuck did you REALLY learn me? Oh yeah that's right! NOTHING! Not a shit! Still she's sitting there all proud and everything..

It was not her, it was dadie which half raped me and totured me in some way it was school who did almost not care school who bullied me as hell, and That bitch think that SHE did?? Oh haha That's just fuckedup!

Sure dad hit me he screamed at me and did things which I wont name this time. But sure he did but I did never Ever have ANY thought of killing myself about then no matter what he'd done.. But here I feel like dead all the time and like I just wanna kill myself Right now! But I can't.. I cannot even cut myself.. Because as fast as I put the sharp knife to my skin there's something else holding it back and the more I try to push the more it tries to stop me. That's why I need to feel this incredible pain.. Sure people had it worse than me but so what? I think the pain I've got is enough whatever happens I cannot feel worse than this not be worse than this. Everything which happen happens with a reason and do you know why? because that's just the way it is. If people didn't have an reason why would they do anything at all then? Would they just walk to an cinema without reason? Would they just hit someone just because? Haha well I don't think so!

I'm not emo and I'm not popular either. I'm something.. Just something special.. And I hope you'll find this and me intresting because as I said THIS is My story! And I don't care what you think because the story's mine and mine only..